Setting myself up for the test
All the while knowing
I'll never be the best.
Lying on your back,
My legs either side.
Looking into your eyes,
I'm never as good as the last.
I had forgotten I'd written that, and came across it today while I was on the train!! I really should finish it off, make something of it, or it'll just end up like all my other half finished pieces of whatever this is!!!
Why can't you see that it's you I want.
Or that I think I want.
I can never trust myself about this.
I have been wrong about this feeling in the past.
I have been wrong about others.
Yes, and there have been others,
of this you are more than aware.
And you make sure I am aware.
The one before you,
well he wanted to see me tonight.
I hid away.
From his messages and calls.
I thought I was waiting for you.
But here I am,
lying in my bed alone.
With hope you'll still turn up.
What happens if you do?
What happens if you don't?
I had started to feel that we had moved past this,
but we never really do.
Sometimes you need me more than anyone.
But there is always the doubt.
Something niggling in the pit of my stomach.
If you were where I am tonight,
how can I be sure,
you wouldn't hide from me?
There is an empty glass by my bed,
the ashtray is full.